BitterSweet Revenge
by Victorious Red Dawn
Summary: Mass murderer Light Yagami commits the ultimate crime: giving the world famous detective L bitter and sugarless candy! In a bizarre plot of suspenseful humor, we find out just how far L will go to taste revenge! A gleeful mockery of Light's final hours!
1. Chapter 1: Bitter Beginning

**Disclaimer: By now I think you'd have the drill. Don't own the stuff I write about; not here anyways.**

_Chapter One:_

_Bitter Beginning_

*Watari is temporarily staying at the Wammy House in London, England when he receives a video call from the world famous detective L. He takes the call at his computer.*

"L, how are you?" Watari asked distractedly as he sat down at his desk.

"I am fine, thank you. I would ask how you are, Watari, but it is apparent that you have something troubling on your mind," L replied in a tone that only hinted at amusement, with his mouth set in a barely noticeable smirk.

Watari mopped his forehead with a handkerchief embroidered with the Wammy House crest before stuffing it in his front pocket. "Oh you're right of course. I'm currently dealing with a most disturbing situation at the moment," Watari sighed.

L's smirk faded. "Oh, how so?" he inquired while stirring a cup of tea.

Watari shook his head. "I'm not sure if it's something that you would want to know," he admitted.

L cocked his head to the side. "No, no, now I am most curious. You know I'll find out eventually," he added lightly, spooning three more lumps of sugar into his tea.

Watari nodded, resigned. "Mello, one of your protégés, was recently apprehended while um..._vandalizing_ the snack machine outside the dining hall."

L's eyebrows came together. "Your intonation of the word 'vandalizing' implies a deeper meaning. How exactly was Mello 'vandalizing' the machine?"

Watari sighed and deliberated for a moment. "To put it simply, it appears that Mello was...how shall I say this...sexually assaulting the machine," the old man said in a hushed voice. L twitched involuntarily in his chair.

"I see...so he was raping the vending machine," he said dryly, gazing carefully at his tea rather than the screen of his computer. "So it would seem," Watari grimaced, hanging his head. L contemplated his tea thoughtfully. "Might I ask what..._event_ lead to such behavior?" he asked lightly.

"If you recall, the maintenance for such a trivial item as a vending machine here at the House is highly irregular, as most of the pupils here are more interested in their studies." Watari inclined his head in acknowledgement of L's former attendance; L did not respond.

"Because of this, the machine is slightly outdated and, at times, malfunctions. Just as much happened to young Mello while attempting to buy a chocolate bar. The machine took his money, but failed to register that fact. The boy does love chocolate..." he broke off, smiling slightly. L cleared his throat, bringing his old tutor back to Earth.

"So...because of this machine's error, Mello took it upon himself to teach it a lesson by way of rape?" L finally glanced up at the monitor. "You have, I assume, tried talking to the boy?"

Watari grimaced and shook his head. "At the time of his apprehension, he kept shouting something about being _near revenge_. We had him sedated after he bit Roger on the nose."

L stared off into space, a puzzle quickly coming together in his brilliant mind. "Watari..." he began.

"Yes, L?" Watari answered as he extracted the crumpled handkerchief and mopped his forehead again.

"I would very much like for you to revive young Mello. Get his side of the story. Also, question Near; I would like to see whether or not he has some part in this fiasco. At the very least, find out about his knowledge of the incident. Then, after you have questioned both boys, contact me immediately and disclose your findings."

"Very well, I will do as you say," Watari conceded. "Until then, my friend."

L finally looked up and smiled at his former mentor. "Until then."

After closing the window on his computer, L swiveled around in his chair a few times. Sometimes it helped him think. While Watari's predicament was intriguing, he still had to think about the Kira case. He thought he might have a new lead. The names, it all added up to the names. He bit his thumbnail. Was Kira consciously killing these people off because their names matched up to Kira's favorite...

L shook his head. Whatever Kira was up to now, it would be almost too obvious to have the names match up again and again to send him a message. Besides, Light Yagami was still his prime suspect. Unless he could prove that his unconscious behavior matched up with Kira's...

From the pit of his stomach came a menacing growl. Kira could wait for a snack, at the very least.

He stopped spinning in his chair, and when he did so, he spotted a crystal candy dish on the coffee table across the room. Shards of reflected light danced on the wall behind it as he shuffled across the floor.

The candy within the dish was unfamiliar to him; he took it to be a licorice of some sort. A bright piece of red paper under the candy dish caught his attention as he flipped the checker-like candy into his mouth as though it were a coin.

As he read what was written on the note, his sensitive taste buds registered the unsavory flavor of the foreign candy. While spitting out the bitter confection, he cursed Light Yagami out loud and in his heart, for the note said this:

_Gotcha, Ruyuzaki! This licorice is from Denmark. They don't use any sugar or sweetener to make it. Looks like your sweet tooth led you to fall for it. Enjoy!_

_Most unashamedly,_

_Light Yagami_

L crumpled the paper and tossed it into the trashcan. Then, smiling mischievously, he loped over to the intercom beside the front door.

"Yes, excuse me, I'd like to order a pint of red dye." He grinned in spite of himself. "Would you like it delivered within the hour, sir?" the intercom buzzed. "Why yes, thank you," L replied.

In no less than forty-five minutes, the dye sat on the table where the candy dish had been.

"Excellent," thought L, rubbing his feet together.

He could hardly have imagined that already, a pair of unseen eyes was already in on his little scheme.

**Review if you see any major malfunctions; if you enjoyed the fic thus far, just add it to your favorites please…unless you really can't contain yourself that is and just have to say something nice. Toodles! ****RED DAWN!**


	2. Chapter 2: Street Talk

**Disclaimer: By now I think you'd have the drill. Don't own the stuff I write about; not here anyways.**

_Chapter Two:_

_Street Talk_

Days later, Light Yagami was chuckling, partially to himself and partially to the creature that drifted along behind him. "It's too bad I can't be there to see his face when he gets a taste of that Danish candy. Pity." Light chuckled once more, and this time the specter following him joined in with an unholy cackle.

"I got to see it Light," snickered the monster, grinning widely at the flash of irritation overtaking the face of his human companion. "Ryuk, what did I tell you about spying on L when I'm not nearby?" Light demanded. "To not to," Ryuk cackled unashamedly. "I'm a shinigami, not a servant. I don't have to do everything you say." "Light grimaced then sighed. "If you want me to buy you any more apples, you will. You could at least tell me where my belt's gotten to," he huffed, pulling his drooping pants up for the millionth time.

The two crossed a damp deserted street near the old deserted factory. Light immediately relaxed as his shoulder brushed the fence while he walked along. Here he could loosen up a bit, and not worry about L hacking into the city's security cameras, for here there were none.

Light took his right hand out of his coat pocket and tossed the recently revealed blood red apple into the air. Ryuk swooped down and caught the fruit in his mouth like a dog catches a tennis ball. Light shook his head.

"It feels like you're a monster one minute, and then a pet at the next," he complained sullenly, watching the shinigami devour the apple.

"Well maybe if you got me apples more often, then maybe I'd be more inclined to listening to you," Ryuk retorted, wiping his mouth with the back if his hand.

"Hmph." Light turned his back on Ryuk. "Show me a drop of loyalty, and maybe I'll consider it," he muttered darkly, stuffing his hands back into pockets and walking down the ever-deserted sidewalk.

Ryuk mulled it over in his head as he drifted silently behind. "Well…" he hesitated, coming to a stop mid-air. Light froze. "Well, what?" he snarled, not even bothering to turn around.

The shinigami giggled at Light's discontent, then said, "He looked real mad but after a while, he couldn't stop smiling and rubbing his feet together."

Light wheeled to face Ryuk. _He was smiling? Damn it. He's up to something._ Light thought as he tossed Ryuk another apple. "There, now that wasn't so difficult was it?" Light sneered.

Ryuk calmly munched on his apple as Light turned away. "Too bad I didn't tell you what else I saw," Ryuk thought sourly, still hung up about the apples. Sulking, he followed his human companion down the deserted street, just seething with resentment towards Light and something almost like gratitude towards L for what L was going to do: provide him with a good show.

**Review if you see any major malfunctions; if you enjoyed the fic thus far, just add it to your favorites please…unless you really can't contain yourself that is and just have to say something nice. Toodles! ****RED DAWN!**


	3. Chapter 3: Arrangements

**Disclaimer: By now I think you'd have the drill. Don't own the stuff I write about; not here anyways.**

_Chapter Three:_

_Arrangments_

"There, that ought to do it," L muttered as he closed the bottom drawer of Light's dresser. Rubbing his feet together, he ran through the mental list of clues he had compiled.

_Percy Whitehead._

_Isabella Swan._ (Yes, readers, that was, most definitely, on **purpose**.)

_Nathaniel James._

_Kristopher Loper._

_Paolo Isaly._

_Ichigo Hitachi._

_Nadashiko Kanamori._

_Kai Masu._

_Penelope Gonzalez._

_Ike Kasuga._

_Nikolai Roma._

_Katherine Janet._

The list went on and on, but one thing stayed the same, as L had noticed over the past two weeks. In fact, after the first six names, he caught on in an instant. It made sense, and it didn't make sense.

There were other factors to consider as well: the disappointment in Light's eyes when he saw that there was only blue cotton candy available at headquarters; the bright ink stains that appeared on Light's hands after taking a bathroom break (the bathroom was equipped with microphones but no cameras), the small rectangular form in his breast pocket that L saw was some pastel color from a lucky glance as Light hid it away; and the most damning evidence so far: Light's public petitioning for the issuing of new jumpsuits to imprisoned criminals of a much more feminine color than neon orange. His reasoning: it would further humiliate the scum of society.

L continued to rub his feet as he stared up at the clock on top of the dresser from his comfortable crouch on the floor. "Ah, it's almost time" he thought aloud.

He slowly made his way to the front door, where a coat rack stood slightly to the left. L easily hid himself under the long overcoat forgotten there by Soichiro Yagami.

_Yes, this will do nicely_, he thought, settling once again into his comfortable crouch. _Now then…for my pawn I think I'll use Matsuda. Yes, definitely him. It would be a slight on their dignity if I used anybody else_. L's thin frame shook with silent laughter as he called Matsuda's cellphone.

"Hello? Matsud…uh…Matsui here!" answered Matsuda. L rolled his eyes, then cleared his throat. "Relax, Mr. Matsuda, it's just Ryuuzaki." He couldn't help but smirk; Matsuda was always nearly blowing his own cover.

"Oh! Hi! Uh…so what's up?" Matsuda gasped. He didn't know what else to say. _What could he possibly stutter besides his informal greeting?_ L mused as he extracted a lollipop from his back pocket before responding.

"I was hoping, Mr. Matsuda, that perhaps you would perform a certain task for me at today's meeting", L paused at Matsuda's sharp intake of breath. He held the phone away from his ear a split second before hearing Matsuda shout "ARE YOU SERIOUS! Oops, sorry."

L returned the phone to his ear in time to hear Matsuda smack his own forehead. "Yes, quite serious, I'm sure", he said dryly.

"Oh anything for you, sir! With…within reason" Matsuda amended.

L chuckled. This was going to be far too easy. He popped the lollipop into his mouth before briefing Matsuda on his exclusive assignment.

**Review if you see any major malfunctions; if you enjoyed the fic thus far, just add it to your favorites please…unless you really can't contain yourself that is and just have to say something nice. Toodles! ****RED DAWN!**


End file.
